Me vs. Common Sense

yep.

I have once again proven myself an idiot.

Let me preface this by saying that Hilo, by and large, is a pleasant, nice, safe town.  That said, it's still a city and cities have inherent dangers: crazy drivers, impatient people, and a significantly higher chance of Godzilla attack than most small towns and rural areas.

just last week

Monday was a pretty average Monday.  Apart from finding a great deal (the entire series of Buck Rogers for $15) and a very pleasant conversation with a pretty woman at a coffee shop, it was business as usual.  I worked at the school.  I ran errands.  I picked up buckets.  Same old thing.  The only other difference with this particular Monday is that I brought in my laundry and spent an hour at the local laundromat.

The downside of having a nice long discussion at a coffee shop is that eventually you're going to have to take a leak.  As I've mentioned before, public restrooms are not easily found in Hilo.  My laundromat of choice is downtown near the Farmer's Market.  The closest public restroom is at a nearby park.  So after I started the wash, I walked up there.  The park was all but deserted thanks to the light but persistent rain we'd had all afternoon.  In fact, the only people in the park were homeless men, and they were taking shelter (you guessed it) in and around the restroom.  Given that I didn't have my potato rake (they won't let me carry it at the school), I declined any further investigation.

After that, I checked the Subway restaurant, even resigning myself to the idea that I'd buy a sandwich if it meant access to a nice clean bathroom.  So guess what! No restroom.

Checking the ipod, I had about 15 minutes left until I had to switch the wash to the dryer, so I decided I'd walk down to the bus station/kiosk/stand or whatever it's called, and use the restroom there.  There was a group of people on the benches outside.  They were clearly not waiting for a bus, but they also showed zero interest in me, so I decided all was good.  Approaching the men's room, it was obvious that there was no lighting apart from whatever exterior light could find its way in there.  As I'd only ever been there in the morning or around midday, and this was around 6:30, it was not very well lit.  In fact, it was a bit spooky.  But I'm a tough guy, and it's only a little dark, right?  Besides, I'd just be in and out.  No big deal.

I would have paid money for this much light

I walk in and realize it's much darker in there than I'd originally thought.  There's barely enough light to make out where the stalls and urinals are.  Out of habit, I walk to the farthest urinal from the door.  The logic of this is that if some shady character comes in, I've got more time to figure out if he's trouble or not, and just generally more reaction time, which is always good in a tricky situation.  So I walk to the urinal, unzip, and start my business.  I'm not worried or scared, just cautious.  No big deal.  And then....

*flick*

What was that sound?!?  I looked to the door.

Nothing.

Looking around, it happened again.

*flick*

And I saw the light of a lighter coming form the middle stall.  As you can guess, the stall is in between myself and the door.  That's not good.  To give an idea, the bathroom is dark enough that the flame from the lighter is bright enough to cast an orange glow across the tiles, lighting the floors of both other stalls and quite a bit of the floor between the stalls and the urinals.

My first thought: Please let it be weed.

I have never in my life hoped or prayed that someone was smoking marijuana, but I guess there's a first time for everything, and this was my first time for that.  Sadly, my hopes and prayers were not answered.  Whatever it was, it was not weed.

*flick*

So now I start running through other smokables: crack - bad; meth - not only worse, but more likely.

After that, I think "Why did I even bring my ipod? Why did I bring my wallet?  Why am I carrying any cash at all? Oh! Where's my knife?"  I check my back pocket, and there's my leatherman.  I pull it out.  And then I think "Do I really want to introduce a knife to this just yet?" so I put it back, but it's got a belt clip on it, and I make sure I know where it is and how it's oriented to I can grab it and flick it open with my thumb at a moment's notice.

*flick*

Now I'm as prepared as I'm going to be, and thankfully all of that soda and coffee of the afternoon has about left my system.  Also thankfully, I was at one of those really tall urinals that don't have any water or pipes to make any noise.  I figure that's good and bad, as I was able to enter and pee undetected I might be able to walk out in the same way, but that also means I will certainly surprise whatever super-high crazy person is in stall #2 if I make any noise.  Still, I opt to sneak out.

I finished peeing, zipped up quietly, and started out.  Sadly, the rain that had been falling all afternoon had made the floor wet, and my shoes were very squeaky.

*squeak squeak*

NO!

And this is the part where I'm really tempted to make up some fantastic ending, maybe with a confrontation that may or may not have included my quick knife-wielding skills, but truthfully, nothing happened.  And thank goodness for that.

What I did learn later:
1) the laundromat does indeed have a restroom; it's just kinda (very well) hidden.  To quote Dusty Bottoms (and the second-most quotable movie) , "If only we'd known this sooner."
2) a Petzl Zipka headlamp can go through an industrial wash cycle, and still work as soon as you find it in the bottom of the washer (they're hard to find now, although they're still in production....I should have bought a dozen of them).
3) Never never never go into a dark public restroom. (obviously)