Hilo Characters (Part 2)

It's a drizzly morning before a busy day, so I thought that I'd try and put down the last few of these while I'm enjoying a quiet cup of coffee.

The Lady at the Bank:
So, there's this lady that works at the bank that I use here. She is perpetually grumpy. It always seems as though you're causing her a terrible inconvienence simply by being within eight feet of her desk. And I'm not the only one who thinks this. Both Kalewa and Kaleo knew exactly who I was talking about when I simply said, "So, there's this lady at the bank...." and they both said "The grumpy one?"

So of course I've taken this lady on as a personal challenge.

When I opened my account there, I could tell she was grumpy, so I laid on a little charm, and eventually she warmed up a bit. At this point I figured that all was settled and we'd get along great in the future. But when I went back for some other banking business, she was all grumpy again, but I just wrote it off to her not remembering me. So I turned on the charm again, and she warmed up again, and I thought, "now that's that."

But a few weeks ago I had to get something notarized, and of course she's the Notary Public at the bank. And of course she was grumpy. And of course she still had to charge me even though I have an account there. But I wasn't going to let that stop me. I was determined to be the one person in town this lady is not automatically grumpy toward. So again, I pile on the charm and make a lot of small talk, and she really starts to be less grumpy. I've got her smiling and telling jokes and the whole bit. Mission accomplished.

Yeah, right.

A couple of days ago, I've got to get something else notarized. So I go into the bank, and there's everyone's favorite grumpy person, sitting at her desk, staring off into space presumably mulling over in her mind those things which make her the most grumpy.

So I walk up and say hello. After a brief and almost inaudible sigh, she asks what she can help me with. I say I need something notarized. She says notary hours are over. I say, "You're kidding.....What time are they over?"

"Three o'clock," she says.

"But it's only 3:03," I say.

"Sorry."

"And you are sitting here doing nothing anyway."

"Sorry."

"You really can't notarized this?"

"Sorry."

"Well, what about the other branch? Do they have a Notary there?"

"Yes they do, but I don't think it'll do any good. They have the same Notary hours over there."

"You have got to be kidding me."

"Again, sorry. But I would certainly be willing to notarize that for you tomorrow, provided that you brought it in between the hours of 9-10:30 or 1:30-3:00."

"That's not going to happen." And I left.

So I've finally decided that this poor lady is grumpy beyond repair, and I feel sympathy for anyone related to her, and from now on I'll only be using the other branch location.

The Dude at Walmart:
I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but due either to a lingering European influence here or the large number of homeless people or the even larger number of hippies, there are very few public restrooms available in town. If you've got to pee, you can't just stop at a 7-11 and go, even if you're willing to buy something. They just don't have a restroom there. So if you spend any amount of time in town, it's important to know where there are available restrooms: the bus stop, at certain parks, in a couple of shopping centers, and of course at Walmart. Because while it appears that there is no law here as there is in Colorado that any place that sells food or drink is required to provide a restroom, of course Walmart has one since not having one would only provide another reason for a customer to leave.

The other day I found myself on that end of town and the morning's coffee was cathong up with me. So I stopped in at Walmart and went into the men's room. The place was empty, and I was standing there taking care of business, when suddenly this guy says, "Uh-huh."

Fortunately, I didn't jump enough to get any pee on my shoes.

Then more talk from the stall. "Yeah. Yeah. All right."

And I'm thinking, is this guy talking himself through the procedure, or what?!?

Then, "No, no, that's not what she told me. I heard *something something blah blah blah*." Sorry, but I honestly stopped listening once I realized he was talking on his cell phone.

Then, as I'm finishing up and moving to the sink, he says, "Yeah, no, I'm just hanging out."

To which I said, loudly enough for the person on the other end of the line to hear, "You're not hanging out! You're taking a dump in the Walmart bathroom!" and then I left.

Ok, I didn't really say anything, but I almost did. I'm a wuss.

Still, I understand that once in a while a very important call comes in at an inopportune moment, and you've got to take it. But if it's not an important call, do you really have to answer? Especially in a public restroom?

Now I figure that everyone I call is sitting on the toilet when I'm talking with them. If I'm not off of the line before the toilet flushes, I know I've been talking too long.



Well, as Mr Rogers would have said, those are the people in my neighborhood. I'll add more when I meet more.