That's right! It's pretty nigh on pineapple season!
Honestly, I had my doubts about posting about this, but I was telling Annie about it on the phone today, and she
Yes, it is raining and I am bored. Why do you ask? :)
So with everything else going on here at the farm lately, the pineapples have been a bit neglected. Therefore I took it upon myself the other day to do do something about that. I set aside an entire day to work on the pineapple, and I've been working on them here and there each day since.
And I. am. torn. up.
I've got scratches, cuts, scrapes, puntcure wounds, bruises, swollen nasty bits where part of the plant is still stuck in me, nicks, one or two gashes, blisters, calluses, and sore muscles. I've got them on my hands, my arms, my legs, knees, elbows, on my back, my chest, on my butt, in my armpit, under my fingernails, and I think I even have a few chunks of plant still stuck in my forehead (for the record, safety glasses only direct the damage directly into your forehead right between your eyebrows....there should be some mention of that in the documentation, but there isn't).
So what is it that I'm doing? Well, if you guessed "building the world's most dangerous slip-n-slide," take some comfort because I have been considering that. And when I have more free time and a reliable video camera (preferably water-resistant) then I'll build just that. But for now, I'm just weeding and pulling off keikis from the existing plants.
Oh, so here's something I've been neglecting:
Hawai'ian Word of the Day: keiki (kay-kee)
child, or offspring. When you talk about kids, you can use the word "keiki". It's valid as both singular and plural. Some plants (such as pineapple or banana) that don't usually propegate through seed also have keiki.
Anyway, I'm wrecked from all of the work in the bays. As I told the ladies who go for a walk up the road every afternoon: "If I had a dollar for every time I said 'Ow!' today, I'd have made at least $50 an hour." And I was really getting frustrated about it. Not only do I have to spend a bit of time each night with the lights on and the pocket knife in hand, digging all of the little spines out of all the places I can reach and see, but mostly I'm angry because during the harvest last season I could cruise through those bays and not get a scratch. I was thinking, "Have I gotten soft? Is my skin thinner now than it was then? Can a few months away really make that difference? Or did I previously have some skill I acquired through natural self-preservation that I've since lost?"
I've recently decided that it's none of those things (although the self-preservation one would have been pretty cool).
So all of this makes me think that perhaps I should inform you all on the life-cycle of a pineapple.
*cue 10th grade earth science video/filmstrip that I haven't made yet, but which would be very useful and/or boring right now*
When you plant a pineapple, you plant the keiki. A keiki basically looks just like the green spiny part on top of the pineapple fruit you buy at the store. In fact, should you be so inclined, and if you live in the proper climate, you can take the top off of the pineapple fruit and plant it in the ground and it will grow into your very own pineapple plant.
So the keiki goes in the ground. You give it a little bit of love and the occasional nutrients (depending on your soil) and 18-24 months later, BAM! Your pineapple plant starts to fruit (never has there been such an inappropriate use of the word "BAM!"). The fruit grows out of the center of the plant, which is now typically about 2.5-3 feet tall. As the fruit matures and ripens, it's usually pushed upward from the plant on a short stalk. When the fruit is ripe and ready to be picked, it breaks off of the stalk easily. Either slightly before or after this point, the plant begins its propegation for the following season by creating both "slips" and "suckers" (although I really wish they were "slips" and "slides", as that really would have tied this whole post together....*sigh*). The slips grow from deep within the main plant, eventually overpowering the main stem and, about one year after the previous fruiting, produce their own fruit and start the cycle over again for that plant. The suckers, on the other hand, grow from just beneath the fruit as it's ripening. There are anywhere from one to five suckers per plant, depending on factors well beyond my comprehension. After harvest, you leave them on for a while so they grow in size and then, before the next fruiting season, you break them off of the plant. These are the keiki. You find a new spot (hopefully to arrange the two so that they get a nice two-level effect....with a little path running down the middle *bonus points for getting the reference*) and plant said keikis and start the whole thing all over again.
ANYWAY.......while I was all but screaming in the shower yesterday while scrubbing Dr. Bronner's soap into all of my wounds, I was thinking of how to describe not only the nature but also the origin of my wounds to you all (yes, I mean both of you who are still reading this blog) and the answer came to me! These are new plants I'm dealing with! New slips and new suckers! When I was harvesting last fall, I'd been weeding through those bays so many times that I'd already broken all of those evil hateful blood-thirsty God-forsaken (lying! murderous! *bonus points for getting the reference*) dad-blasted (ha! Dad reference!) good-for-nothing pokey tips off. But now, alas, they've called for reinforcements in the next generation, and I've got to face them again.
But I will be victorious. I will get the bays cleared. I WILL impose my will upon these wretched bromelliads, and I will RAIN DOWN VENGENCE UPON THEM.......well, you get the picture. And sorry, no, no points for that reference. Too obvious. ;)
EDIT:
I may have mixed up the terminology for "sucker" and "slip." Or then again maybe I didn't.
But so what? You think just because I write a blog and grow pineapple for a living that I'm an expert or something? :P
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